there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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