They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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