This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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