you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize