He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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