I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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