My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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