I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize