So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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