An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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