Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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