He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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