Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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