You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
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There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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