why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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