the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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