Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
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I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I could fuck to npr.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize