His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize