Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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