it was like eating out sand paper
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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