Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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