So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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