the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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