i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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