The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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