just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i would one night stand the shit outta him
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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