I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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