Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
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He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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