Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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