If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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