After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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