The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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