I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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