I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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