I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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