Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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