you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize