dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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