Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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