between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize