i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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