nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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