I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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