weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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