I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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