Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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