i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Let's get the cat blown out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize