Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize