I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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