I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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